Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
