U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
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