That's intense
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
Randomize
