im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
