Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Randomize
