I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
Randomize
