oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
then he tried to convert me to islam
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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