remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize