He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
Barsexuality is the new black.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
