Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Randomize
