New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
