Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
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