i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
