I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize
