yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
