She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Randomize
