does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
Randomize
