I wish I could punch you in the face.
You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
