Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
Randomize
