why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
Randomize