Kareoke will never be a sober sport
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
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