I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
