Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
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