We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Randomize
