just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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