Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
