He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Randomize