I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
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