I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
