I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
