So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
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