Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
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