I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize