when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
My ATM looks so different sober.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Randomize
