I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
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