so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
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