so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Randomize
