Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
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