So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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