So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
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