Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
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