six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Randomize
