Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize