some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize
