i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
