The maid of honor just puked.
yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
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