Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
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