So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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