There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize
