If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
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