We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
