You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Randomize