who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
I have post one night stand depression
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