you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
