we dont do blackfin have a good night :)
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
