Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Randomize
