There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
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