the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
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