..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
We were destined to go to rehab together
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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