no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
Randomize
