In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Randomize
