he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
I think weed is turning my hair brown
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
Randomize
