i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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