I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
