My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
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