I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
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