i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
There r osticjed everywhere
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
