I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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