My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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