I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Randomize
