I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
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