Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Randomize
